Listen to this!

When last were you really well and truly listened-to? A good listener is sometimes all the counsel we need and being well listened to, all that’s required to comfort us and to let us know that we are connected and not alone with our thoughts and problems.

And yet, good listeners are hard to come by in these days where time sheets,  performance assessments and multi-tasking allow our focus barely to settle on one topic before we’re off to the next at high speed .  As a result we tend to “listen on the run” and expect our partners in conversation to “speak on the run” too and to understand how limited and precious our available time is.

So what is it that makes a good listener and why bother to become one?

1. A good listener is someone who is able to turn the focus of his or her attention exclusively onto the speaker giving true meaning to the expression “full and undivided attention”.  This is most obviously shown by eye contact and body language or the silence appropriate to listening on the phone but it also means exclusive focus without concurrent activities competing for attention
2. A good listener is skilled at picking up all the paraphernalia that goes with speaking – the pauses, the pitch, the emotion, the choice of words, the emphasis and the facial and body language and allowing it to fill the gaps in the spoken message to form a meaningful whole.
3. Only once the whole message is understood and the speaker is silent, does a good listener turn his attention to formulating the response –  any sooner and he is likely to lose important information along the way.  Thinking of what you’re going to say as soon as there is a gap in the conversation for you to do so is a sure sign that you’re not listening.
4. Listening fully is a state of mind as much as a conscious direction of your attention.  Being engaged in full and undivided listening implies suspension of judgement and of your own ego. It also requires a strong commitment to genuine curiosity and to the firm belief that we do not hold the truth to all things.

What are the benefits of being a good listener?

1. The good listener gains a true picture of what the other thinks, feels and needs and not just what he says.  He or she is truly able to understand the message, to cut through uncertainty and to avoid misunderstanding.
2. From the point of view of a conflicted interaction, focused listening results in a drop in tension and, as the case may be, in aggression. It encourages the speaker to open up further and to become more genuine.
3. A good listener creates a channel through which communication can flow and establishes a tenor of respect that positively influences even the most difficult communication.  Deep listening creates an expectation of understanding and a willingness to understand.
4. Being a good listener is an advanced skill in diplomacy,  leadership and of great conversationalists.  It is able to create deep bonds through respect and understanding even under the most challenging of situations.

So, try it out this week – listen with full and undivided attention and observe how much more meaningful, effective and efficient your communication becomes.

Bernadette

http://www.constructiveconflictsolutions.com

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